"How's the game?" Ms. Kay, the school nurse asked. Yesterday, while I was sleeping at the clinic, Rick dropped by and left a note for me which she read, a clear violation of my privacy. "Were you able to watch?"
"Just the last 10 minutes."
Ms. Kay looked at me, tapping her fingers on the desk, her computer humming in tune. The clinic was spacious, too spacious for 1 bed, her desk and file drawer and first aid and medicine cabinet. She waited for more story.
"He's like a different person when he's playing. He's too absorbed in the game." I remembered his serious face running around the court, his eyes full of passion. I realized how much he loved basketball."
"He's cool right?" She asked, grinning.
"Yea, he's cool." I stuttered.
She stared at me and smiled.
"So how do you feel about him?"
Her question caught me off guard.
"W-what?!" I stammered. "What do you mean?"
"I know you Alvin. You're a Popular student. But you're too anti social for your own good. Though lately, you seem different." She shifted from her seat. "I like observing the students here at school, and you popular kids always stand out. So it was really easy to tell."
I fell quiet for a moment. Changed? Me? I didn't notice any difference.
"I really don't know. i just want to graduate and go to college." I answered.
"But are you ok with it? Will it be better to face your feelings before it gets too late?" She responded.
I stared at her but I didn't know what to say
"This may be a phase, yes but just think about it. " She continued. You'll be graduating in less than three months so make sure you sort it out by then."
Will I really be ok with it? Life with him or without him? What is it that sits well with me.? But why am I thinking about him this way? How come I feel self conscious when he looks at me. Why does it matter with me what I see in his eyes?
"You may be confused now Alvin." She said, her voice quiet and serious. She looked at me not with her usual jolly gaze but more stern. "but I advise you to think this through, think carefully what you think about him. I know it's awkward to talk about all these to my students but I believe that your happiness comes first."
She sighed and I kept silent. I was afraid of where this conversation was heading but I wanted to hear her opinion. It's rare for Ms. Kay to be this serious, I was intrigued.
"Society, the student body, your religion and the rest of the world may not accept such orientation but let's face it, anywhere you look there are gays, lesbians, bisexuals, we even have a transgender in congress. This is the truth, it's what's real."
I clapped my hands. "Very beauty queen-ish."
She burst out laughing.
Ms. Kay's right, but homosexuality? I couldn't even say it properly, how would I even discuss it? What about Rick? Maybe he just want to be friends, I shouldn't assume that he wants a romantic relationship. He's nice to Jessie too. Plus he's the captain of the basketball team, he can't be gay. And I'm not gay either.
I left the clinic and walked towards the PubRoom. It was empty when I arrived except for Raymond, the head artist, who's working on his computer.
"Where's everyone?" I asked.
"They just left." He answered without looking away from the screen.
"OK, I'll be going now. Weekly meeting tomorrow after class. Bye. Lock the room on your way out."
I reminded myself to send a message to the staff about the meeting. I have loads of work to do especially now that the graduation's less than three months away. The publication can't be behind schedule and I have the selection of the new editors to think of and on top of that, I have to study for finals.
I sighed as I closed the door behind me.