"Hey Jess can we talk?" I called out to her before she even had the chance to get out.
Everyone has left after the meeting, even Rick because of practice. I muster up my courage to face Jessie. I wanted to talk to her because I know she'd be the only one to help me understand what it was that I feel.
She spun around. "Thought you'd never ask." She sat back, this time in front of me instead of her usual seat by my side.
"So have you given a thought about what I asked you?" It was her who started. Although it was me who called out to her, I wasn't ready yet. I was feeling uneasy I didn't know how to start.
I shook my head. "I will, but tell me" I gulped. This question I've been dreading to ask but don't want to hear the answer to. "do you still love him?"
"Yes." She said while looking at me straight in the eye. My heart shattered by the fact that she was so honest about how she feels. Moreover, knowing that a good friend of mine was in love with a person but was ready to give up her happiness.
I placed my hand on my heart. I felt ashamed of myself thinking that I cannot answer her with a simple yes or no just like she did. I bowed my head and sighed.
"Can you tell me how you came to love him like you do right now?" I finally asked.
Jessie looked out the window, staring blankly at the afternoon sky.
"We grew up together, so I guess it's natural." She looked at me and smiled, trying to mask the pain her eyes gives away. "But he was the last person I dated."
Once again she averted her eyes and looked away, far away.
"For the short time we were together I was able to understand what he meant when he said he wanted to see fireworks. It was like our world moves in a different axis. When we kiss and our hands intertwined, we forgot the rest of the world." She smiled at the memory.
At the back of my mind I could picture them together. It made me feel sick thinking that the thought of them together makes my heart twinge, that it makes me jealous. But what's more painful was the fact that we were in love with the same person.
She sighed and looked at me. "He was perfect in my eyes, I couldn't ask for more but we cannot sacrifice our friendship. We've been together since we were in diapers, even our parents are good friends. We just felt like going over friendship may make or break that. Friendship lasts forever."
Her last words rang in my ear. I hid my face in my hands and nodded. Jessie's in love with Rick. I hate to admit but I think I am too. We're both in love with the same person. But what should I do? Should I just walk away? I love Jessie because she's a friend of mine. Would it be best if I walk away before it becomes too late? A few more weeks before we graduate, I know I could handle it. Can I?
I pondered for a moment before I decided to answer.
"... it's not bad to be selfish sometimes."
"I think I do, Jessie.. I'm sorry." I softly whispered. "Sorry."
She stood up and moved next to me, wrapped me in an embrace. "Don't be sorry. Just don't hurt him, love him more than anything."
I nodded. "I promise."
I walked home feeling light headed. The conversation I had with Jessie made me see Rick in a different light. Yes, he's odd, lazy but passionate. He's sweet and affectionate in his own way even though I push him away.
Push him away. How many times have I done that? Now, how was I suppose to let him know how I feel towards him?
I looked up and admired the bright starry sky. I smiled to myself. Maybe someday I'd have the courage to walk up to him and tell him what I want to.
"Someday" I murmured.
I turned and saw a person I haven't seen for the longest time. He grew taller and more muscular bit it's definitely him, my childhood best friend.
"Patrick?!" I blurted.
He smiled, his sharp canine showing, his dark hazel eyes shining. He pulled me by the arm and wrapped me in an embrace.